5 Tips for Surviving Holiday Season 2022

Tacoma therapist shares Top 5 Tips for Surviving Holiday Season 2022

Yep it’s upon us.  Holiday season.  My August birthday feels a little less “summer vacation” and a little more “PSL” every year.  I had an out-of-body experience (a form of dissociation- a trauma response) when I walked into the mega store and saw Christmas decorations out with the school supplies.  I was there shopping for grilling tools to celebrate the last official Summer holiday: my birthday.  Haha! (Ok, and Labor Day…the holiday I believe welcomes in the Fall). It was still mid-August!

As a trauma and relationship counselor in Tacoma, WA I know that holidays are no longer a day, and no longer a season, but more of an endurance race as we collectively watch one year end and another begin.  It can bring up a lot of stress, anxiety, deeply buried feelings, family resentments, and sensory reminders of traumatic experiences, toxic relationships, and loneliness and self-doubt about how you are living up to others’ (or worse–your own) expectations. 

From Labor Day to New Year’s Day it’s a continuous and stressful race to the finish line. 

Just a few of the holidays celebrated between September and January: Mabon, Rosh Hashanah, Dassain and Canadian Thanksgiving, Deepavali/Diwali, Halloween, Día de los Muertos, US Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Yule, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s Eve

For many years I worked holidays in crisis centers and psychiatric hospitals.  I had Thanksgiving at recovery centers and celebrated Christmas at residential treatment centers.  I told myself I was there because I didn’t have children, or lived far from my family, and was needed for staffing so my colleagues could open presents with their children, and so my clients would have someone caring to share the holidays with.  But TBH a bit of it was to avoid the stressful holiday family events that a single woman experiences. 

I didn’t want to answer anymore questions about when I would find a boyfriend, what happened to the last person I was dating, or if I was ever going to get married and have kids. 

And, as much as I love my nieces and nephews, my heart broke a bit wondering if I would have kids of my own, if I would find a fulfilling relationship, and if I even wanted those things, or if those were just other people’s expectations.  

I’m getting real here because I want you to know that if you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone.  Each year many women experience these same feelings of loneliness, feelings of disappointment, and a desire to avoid all things holiday.  

And it’s not much better if you’re married. 

Mothers, wives, sisters, aunts, people who show up in feminine identities: we can all experience the cultural burden of having to make holidays pleasant and perfect and happy for everyone (and do your best to make it look easy and like you enjoy it too!)

This perfectionism takes a toll on your mental health!

So I’m here to share some ways that you can make this holiday season a bit less stressful, and a bit more enjoyable for you, your sisters, your friends, and maybe even the men and children in your life.  Perhaps even spreading holiday cheer authentically to those who have to work holidays, strangers without much to cheer about this holiday season, and bringing peace on earth.  (A girl can dream!)  

So here are 5 Tips to Make this Holiday Season a Bit Brighter and A Bit Less Stressful

Tip 1:  Shift your perspective.  

Some people say “lower your expectations”. I disagree with this language.  Instead, I encourage my clients to shift their perspective.  Widen your view.  What do you want this holiday season to look like?  Stop looking at what you think it should look like, or what others (including well-meaning family members, friends, kids, and social media) expect of you.  Make this holiday season one that works for you. 

Do you want to skip trick-or-treating and have a small Halloween party instead?  Do it!  Not up for making a full blown Thanksgiving dinner? Have it catered, or volunteer at a soup kitchen, or even have a self-serve taco bar (I had a holiday like this years ago and it was a fun and relaxing alternative to the usual all day cook-a-thon that would end up in drunken family fights full of dirty laundry and closet skeletons coming out before the day was over).

Tip 2: Instead of a “Naughty and Nice List” make a list of those you love.  

Who do you want to reconnect with this holiday season?  Who do you want to make up with, forgive, or reach out to?  Keep the list small.  I like a list of 5 (because 5 is my favorite number!) 

Make a second list of who turns you into a Grinch.  It’s ok not to want to forgive them or make up with them or even be nice to them.  Be nice to yourself and limit your time with these people this holiday season.  Again, keep the list small.  If it’s a long list, maybe get into see a relationship counselor to help you work through some of those feelings of anger, resentment, or hurt that show up in those relationships.

Tip 3: Make a Holiday Schedule with an Escape Plan.

Trauma, Empowerment, and Relationship Counselor for Women in Tacoma, WA shares 5 Tips for surviving holiday season 2022

Planning out your holiday schedule in advance can be a good way to add some predictability to the chaos.  (A healthy way to handle unexpected stressful events and stop mental health symptoms before they start).  If you have a family, get together for a family night, pull out a calendar and write down all the holiday events you anticipate happening.  Leave room for events you are not sure about, but know that you can always say no to them if they are not on the plan. 

Let each member say which events they are looking forward to, which they are not, and give family members an option to attend or not attend each event, supporting them in their choice for alone time if they prefer it to the holiday event.  If some events are required, let each person have their “safe word” that indicates they’ve had enough and need a break.  Let children bring an activity or have a space to go to relax if they are overwhelmed -and parents- choose a few of your own healthy coping skills or spaces to go take a breather. Support your partner in their need for space too.  Review the plan before holiday gatherings so you each know you are there to support one another. 

If you are single, there is no reason not to do this, there are just less people you have to accommodate in your plan.  Build a holiday schedule that keeps you engaged and connected, but offers you space to relax too.  Decide how and who you want to connect with this holiday season.  And it’s totally ok to want to only connect with yourself.  Some of my best holidays have been taking long sunny Christmas Day walks in the snow by myself or having a solo scary movie marathon and turning off the lights to avoid trick-or-treaters.  

Tip 4: Give yourself a gift. 

Sure it’s nice to buy yourself something, but giving yourself the gift of self reflection, self love, self acceptance or solitude can be wonderful ways to de-stress this holiday season.  It can also be hard if you have been avoiding it or are filled with shame, guilt or loneliness.  So if you find it hard to give yourself this type of gift, it can be good to check in with a trauma or relationship counselor, a trusted friend, or a family member you feel particularly close to, so they can remind you of how wonderful, valued, and important you are.

Tip 5: Breathe it all in. 

Breathing is the most underrated way of finding peace during stressful times.  It is the way to reconnect with yourself, reconnect with the world, and reconnect with peace and quiet; the stillness that is often absent during a busy holiday season.  Get on YouTube or Google and find some breathing exercises.  They are so gentle, and powerful, and healing.  And ultimately, it is the one thing that keeps you alive when all else feels like it might be the end of you.

Holiday season is stressful but there are things you can do to get through it, and maybe even enjoy the ride!

I hope this list has helped you find some ways to get through the stresses of the upcoming holiday season.  Holidays are intended to be times of togetherness, reflection, memory-making, and joy.  If they aren’t for you, you are not alone, but please connect with someone who can help you get through them, and maybe even find some hope. 

If you or anyone you know is experiencing thoughts of self-harm or suicide this holiday season, please reach out to the National Crisis and Suicide Help Line at 988. 

Katie Lorz is a licensed therapist in Washington state who provides counseling in Tacoma, WA and online and specializes in trauma, empowerment, and relationship counseling for women.

If you want to connect with a trauma or relationship counselor to help you through this season you can fill out my contact form for a free 15-minute consultation.  If I can’t help you, I will do my best to find someone who can.  I’m a trauma and relationship therapist in Tacoma, WA and I specialize in trauma and relationship counseling for women, counseling for men, Lifespan Integration, empowerment counseling, and counseling for optimal mental health.  I serve clients in Seattle, Vancouver, Olympia, Spokane and all throughout Washington state by providing online therapy and in-office appointments in Tacoma, WA.