Top 5 Myths About counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in #Tacoma

Top 5 Myths about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Tacoma, WA connect at www.counselinginwashington.com HGCM Therapy

Hopefully by now you’re getting a bit more comfortable in your search for a counselor in Tacoma.  Therapy is starting to feel not so mysterious, and you’re considering starting weekly counseling for stress reduction, motivation, or self-confidence, or maybe even delving into some relationship issues or healing from some traumatic experiences, distressing thoughts or feelings, or self-sabotaging habits.  But you’ve heard some things about therapy, and you’re not sure if they are true.  You want to be able to tell fact from fiction.

Here are 5 Myths About Counseling, Therapy, Coaching, and Psychotherapy

Myth #1: If you go to therapy you are mentally ill, not strong enough, or broken.

Truth: People go to therapy for many different reasons, including: working on your mental health & wellbeing, healing emotional traumas, improving communication and boundaries, learning more about yourself, making meaning from tragedy, and so much more!

There are many reasons to go to trauma and relationship counseling, and very few reasons not to.   When you decide to go to therapy it may be that you notice life is not going as well.  You may notice that your temper is shorter, you can’t handle stress as well, your relationships are getting harder, or it feels like nobody understand you.  You may have had a recent or past traumatic experience (or many) that just doesn’t feel settled, is giving you nightmares, or is making it hard for you to trust others or yourself.  You may go to trauma or relationship counselor because you want to have more direction and motivation in life, you want to grow personally or professionally, you want to move onto another phase of life like marriage, children, moving to a new place, starting a new job or career, or retiring.

There are many other reasons to go to therapy too.  But going to therapy does not mean you are mentally ill.  And if you are experiencing severe or persistent mental illness or addiction, therapy may or may not be the right option at this time (see Myth #4).  Going to therapy does not mean you are not strong enough.  In fact, it means quite the opposite.  It takes strength to show up to counseling and put your trust in the process, your trauma and relationship therapist, and yourself to achieve your therapy goals.  And finally, therapy does not mean you are broken.  Therapy can be healing, and traumatic experiences may be part of what brings you to therapy, but you are not broken.  You can feel better, and emotional wounds—just like physical wounds—can heal. 

MYTH #2: you’ll be in therapy forever.

Truth: You can choose to go to therapy repeatedly or for a long time (see myth #5) but you do not need to be in therapy forever.

There are many types of counseling and many reasons to go to therapy. How long you are there depends on why you are there, what happened to you, and what your goals are.  Oh, and most importantly, how long YOU want to be in therapy.

Some people do seem to go to therapy for years.  Is that ok? Is that the “right” way to do therapy? It really depends.  There can be benefits to going to therapy for many years, but it can also be unproductive or even harmful.  It is important to re-evaluate frequently why you are in therapy, what your goals are, and if there are good reasons to be in therapy long term.  It can also be important to recognize when you’ve been in therapy too long, or it feels unproductive, or even harmful. Do you keep going to therapy because you are afraid to stop, like the routine or relationship, or like the security blanket? If so, you may want to examine that more closely in therapy. Bring it up with your counselor so they can help you uncover the meaning behind it.  This can be a great opportunity for growth.

But the fact is, you do not need to be in therapy forever.  Some therapeutic styles incorporate “Brief Therapy”, Intensive short-term therapy, or even Crisis Therapy which can be as little as one session and is often closer to three to five sessions.  EAPs (Employee Assistance Plans) are one example of this.  Other therapy approaches may recommend 12 to 15 sessions, or limit therapy to a max of 30 sessions per year.  Many health insurance plans have such limitations to mental health benefits.  Some styles of therapy recommend therapy three to five times per week, or at least weekly, for many, many years.  Often this therapy is paid for out-of-pocket as “cash pay” or “private pay” therapy and is seen as “deep work” including self-exploration and identity work.  And there is everything in between.

I like to support my clients in achieving optimal mental health within three to twelve months.  Sometimes I will see clients for a shorter amount of time, and occasionally I will see clients for more than a year, but I find that my clients who show up weekly, and are focused on their therapy goals, can often see dramatic growth in under 12 months and are ready to go out on their own and use what they have learned to continue to maintain optimal mental health and wellbeing. They may come back from time to time if they experience a traumatic event, or have an unexpected change or loss in life, but just as often they have the skills to manage these experiences with what they learned about themselves in therapy.

MYTH #3: Therapy is the only way to become mentally healthy

TRUTH: There are many ways to achieve optimal mental health. Therapy is one good way to do this, but if it isn’t your thing, then find your thing (or things) and do it consistently to maintain optimal mental health.

Therapy is a great way to improve your mental health, but it’s not the only way.  In fact, there are many healthy habits that go a long way in maintaining or improving your mental health and relationships. Tai Chi, kickboxing, yoga, dance, travel, hobbies, workshops, courses, retreats, church or social groups, getting outdoors, journaling, and creating or experiencing art or music are just a few ways that people attend to their mental health in everyday life. 

My blog about healthy habits for optimal mental wellbeing covers many habits that have been shown to be very effecting in feeling mentally well including reducing stress, increasing motivation, feeling physically and mentally fit, and having good relationships.  A few of these habits include how we sleep, eat, move, think, feel, and act. And finally, there are other professional services that can also be very helpful to achieving optimal mental health.  Services such as coaching, massage therapy, acupuncture, dental and medical care, yoga and physical fitness, and many more can all help improve mental health.  And for some, medication can have very positive effects on mood stabilization, pain or anxiety management, and managing thoughts and beliefs, among other things. 

There is no one way that works best for everyone.  You need to decide what works best for you.

I love the depth and growth that can occur in therapy, and I also know how valuable other activities and services can be when it comes to mental health.  In my practice I love incorporating a holistic view of mental health, and often discuss other complimentary services my clients might consider so that they can accomplish their goals efficiently. 

Many of my clients do not want to be reliant on medications for a long period of time.  Sometimes medications are the best solution for mental health symptoms that show up, sometimes they are beneficial for a period of time, and sometimes they are not necessary.  It can be important to decide what you want, and what works best for you.

Finally, creating healthy habits, coping skills, and supportive relationships are foundational to optimal mental health.  So, I like to work with my clients to have a clear plan in place for when unexpected, chaotic, or traumatic experiences show up in life, so that they are prepared to handle life as it is and maintain optimal mental health. And when my clients get to know themselves, what they need, what they want, what triggers them, and how they cope and relate, they can begin to focus on the future, and living a life they want to live.

MYTH #4: If you have a bad experience with therapy, it means it doesn’t work and you shouldn’t try it again.

TRUTH: Sometimes the timing, the reasons, or the relationship just aren’t right.  It’s ok.  It happens.  But if you want to feel better, heal emotional wounds, grow, know yourself better, or have better relationships, it’s worth giving therapy another try.  Switch something up and see if the change helps.

Try a different therapist, do some other things first to prepare for therapy, do your research on different types and styles of therapy, talk to your doctor about a medication if you think it would be helpful, or decide what your goals for therapy are before you start, and see if any of that helps you have a better therapy experience next time.  And know that sometimes therapy is uncomfortable, brings up pain and issues you weren’t aware of, or calls attention to parts of you that you may not like very much, may not see, or may not want to take responsibility for or let go of.  All of that may show up in therapy, and you can decide if you want to attend to it or not.

In my practice I encourage my clients to bring up any bad experiences they have in our work together so that we can talk as openly and authentically as possible and continue to build a safe and trusting relationship.  Not only is it important to be on the same page about therapy goals, but it’s also a really great way to practice having difficult conversations, something that shows up for everyone in everyday life, and can really impact self-esteem, mental health, and relationship satisfaction.

MYTH #5: People who go to therapy repeatedly, or for a long time are chronically mentally ill, not strong enough, or broken.

TRUTH: Quite the opposite. Whether you go to therapy once, repeatedly, or for a long time, it can dramatically transform your mental health. It is a sign of emotional strength and resilience. And can be preventative, proactive, reparative, or recuperative for emotional wellbeing.

This myth is one of my pet peeves and I’m so glad to see more widespread social acceptance for the benefits of therapy in the past few years.  There has been a heavy stigma about mental illness, mental health, and therapy for far too long, and it is way past time for therapy to have its day in the sun.  We now know that therapy works, it is something that mentally healthy people do, and it can be used as much or as little as you want to achieve optimal mental health or address traumatic experiences, toxic relationships, and moods, thoughts, or habits that you do not like or are getting in the way of your life.

In fact, going to therapy even once can be helpful if you are in a crisis, have experienced a traumatic event, or just need someone to talk to about a current problem, relationship, or acute symptom. 

Often people will do this repeatedly.  I had some great experiences in my past, using my EAP benefits for situational stressors. One to three sessions were plenty to help me make some sense of what was happening and make a plan for how to feel better. I used this benefit off and on when things showed up that affected my mental health. And many people see the benefits of a long-term counselor as a sort of confidant, advisor, or safe haven in an often-unpredictable world, or as a way to continually self-analyze and assess for optimal internal awareness and clarity.  Counseling has many roots, and some of them go back to the trusting relationships of a mentor, advisor, religious leader, or parental or peer figure who can listen with open acceptance and guide with wisdom and empathy.

In my practice I love working with my clients to help them see the challenges and symptoms that show up for them as opportunities for self-discovery, as protections for painful experiences, and as their body and mind’s best attempts at feeling good, even when the opposite (feeing bad) is happening. We talk about how mental health symptoms are an important signal to attend to the pain so that you can find relief, and make changes that will help you feel better, relate better, and understand yourself better. It is wonderful, transformative work.

Regardless of how often, how long, and how frequently you go to therapy, going to therapy is a sign of strength, trust, and hope that you can heal, grow, connect, and find meaning in life, regardless of your past.  And that attending to your past and present experiences can transform your present and future life goals and mental health.

DON’T LET MYTHS ABOUT THERAPY STOP YOU FROM GETTING TRAUMA OR RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING.

I hope this helps you find the right therapist in Tacoma.  If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to fill out my contact form for a free 15-minute phone consultation.  I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person.  If you are looking for help with trauma or relationship counseling, counseling for women, counseling for men, or Lifespan Integration therapy, you can read more about how I can help here.

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